Sunday, November 8, 2015

I've Been Destroying Myself Through the Lies I've Believed.

WARNING: I am going to be a bit gutzy honest and very vulnerable throughout this post.

I have allowed myself to live for FAR to long believing so many lies that the truth is almost incomprehensible to me. Tonight I was kind of at my wit's end. I decieded that it was time I did something about it. I went down stairs with sticky notes, my Bible, my tablet and my Lies Young Women Believe book. I started writing down every lie I could think of that I consciously knew I was believing and then I stuck them on the wall in front of me. It was hard to face that wall. I almost cry still looking at the lies I've allowed to control and interally destroy me. I went one by one and found verses that destroyed each lie and wrote a scripture verse over every post-it.

John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
This was my key start verse. I want to feel truly free. I'm tired of believing lies that will only bind and destroy. 
I am gonna go over each lie. My hope in posting this is that it can give somebody that needs it courage to cry out to God to help break lies that they are believing as well. I don't do this to get "glory" from this post. I just want it to be a tool to help others.

LIE:God is going to take away everything I enjoy
Jeremiah 29:11 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
This was a two-fold fear for me. Part of it was sin that I enjoyed that I knew I needed to get rid of and the other was exactly how it sounds. I was afraid that EVERYTHING I enjoyed God would not be happy with and I would have to give up sooner or later. I am starting to realize that God gave me certain likes and desires so that he can use me through them. If that makes sense. God want to completes his work in me using those likes and desires. 

LIE: God couldn't care less about me
John 3:16 " For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" (ESV)
If you haven't noticed yet I picked common verses. Everyone knows these verses. Have we allowed the fact that we know them so well water down the immense truth these verses carry?
I let myself believe for years that God couldn't care less about me but this verse is so plain. He gave his SON FOR ME!! FOR YOU!! Let that actually sink in! You are allowing yourself to believe this lie on what grounds? He died for you, He forgives every grevence you did against him and has a place prepared for you in heaven yet... he doesn't care about you.... yea keep trying to convince yourself that (sarcasm).

LIE: I can't do anything Right
Phil 4:13 " I can do all things through him who strengthens me" (ESV)
I've believed this one for years. I have allowed my failures to drown out my success and have tried relying on my own strength. That's too exhausting y'all! Yea you are gonna fail but raising above those failures and trying again builds so much character. This is literally my favorite verse. Proverbs 24:16 "for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes." Yea you are gonna fall. That's a given but don't let it get you down! Raise again and rely on God. 

LIE: The Bible screams confusion
Psalms 18:30 "This God, his way is perfect;the word of the Lord proves true, he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
This one has kept me from reading my Bible for way to long. I know the root of this lie. I went to a Baptist school and a Mennonite church and they would use the same and different verses to contradict each other or so it seemed to me at the time. I avoided reading my bible for a very long time because I couldn't get over that lie and I still struggle with it. But tonight I choose to believe this verse that what the Bible says is true and holy and the absolute word of God.  

LIE: I need a Boyfriend to be fully satisfied and happy
Psalms 107:9 "For he satisfies the longing soul and the hungry soul he fills with good things."
 I have watched to many dramas and read to many romance books that have bred this idea deeply into my brain. Moms be careful how much you let your young daughters read romance novels, even christian ones. They so often portray a girl's life as dull and miserable until Mr. Perfect shows up and makes everything better and everything is then a breeze. I'll be honest I am not sure I can date until I have fully understood the concept of the verse above. I want to be able to say that I am fully satisfied with Christ so that when I do enter into a serious relationship, I am not expecting him to be the answer to all my problems and to be my all in all, that these unrealistic stories have convinced me of.

LIE: I could never be the kind of woman the kind of man I want needs. 
Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
I think a lot girls can relate with my on this one. I want a truly God committed man that will be a spiritual leader in our home. I think there is truth in the fact that I am not at that place yet where I can be the kind of spiritual support that a wife should be for her husband but it's time I cut the lie that I could never be.  With God's strength and direction I can. I will not be perfect but with God's strength I will can be a strong and faithful faith who will support her husband is anyway possible. 

LIE: God isn't real
Genesis 1:1a" In the Beginning God....." 
I am truly ashamed that I struggle with this one because of every way he has showed himself true to me. I KNOW GOD IS REAL. I KNOW HE EXISTS AND CARES. So why do I live so often like he doesn't? In the beginning God... I choose to believe that. I choose to forsake the devil's lie that God is a man made fiction story! MY GOD IS REAL!

LIE: I have to act like I have everything together.
2 Corin 12:9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I am Christian, I am a pastor's daughter, I am a professing christian of over 10 years. I need to be perfect and without fault right? No.... no I am human.. I am a sinner. I lie, I lust, I struggled with porn as a young teenager, I'm not perfect. I am not God. I am a sinner saved by the merciful grace of God. I don't need to be perfect. That's not our job. You are gonna stress yourself out just like I did and you will never achieve perfection. The only thing you will get is weary and a fake mask keeping all who care out.  Be vulnerable, it's okay and it can bring great healing.

LIE: I am undesirable because I am not "skinny"
LIE: I should be ashamed of who I am 
LIE:I am not worth anything
Pslams 139:14 "
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Girl's you all know what I am talking about. We see all the media telling us that only skinny girls are beautiful and we see the guys all flocking around the skinny girl and we allow ourselves to believe that we are ugly and undesirable. We allow ourselves to spit in the face our creator. We tell him You are a horrible designer! Why couldn't you have made me with smaller hips or have made me shorter or taller. You have no idea how to make a beautiful creation. We slap him in the face. We are so obsessed with selfies and makeup and our weights and mirrors that we miss the fact that we were each created unique and special. We are peculiar treasures designed by God. Can you grasp that amazing fact! read that verse again. I am fearfully and wonderfully made!! I AM! THANK YOU JESUS! Lord help us finally believe this and know this in our hearts!

LIE: I can't Overcome my downfalls, my sins
Romans 6:6-7 "We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin."
1 Corinth 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
 I will admit upfront that I sins I feel trapped in. That I can not let go. I have believed for far to long that I can't overcome it. If I am honest with myself I have struggled with not really wanting to over come them. I was satisfied with my sin even though it left me completely empty and miserable. I halfheartedly tried to stop but you know what with God's help I can overcome!! Will it be hard? Duh! Will I be tempted again? Hundreds of times. But it's not impossible to overcome. Don't allow yourself to believe that! Stop your sin, Ask for help, Persevere and OVERCOME

LIE: My disability keeps my from a relationship with God
Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." 
Y'all all know that I have ADHD pretty bad. I can't concentrate and that affects my prayer life a lot. But I have been using that as an excuse and I am done. I can do all things with the Lord's strength!!! 

LIE: God doesn't care about my dreams
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
This lie got debunked very hard this year. I wanted an exchange student a lot and God worked out every detail so that she could come and y'all also know I like Korea a lot and want to go REALLY bad! God has handed me a free trip to Korea. After all the doubt I've cast on him. He cared about my dreams and my desires. To say that I don't feel worthy of these enormous blessings is a HUGE understatement. I also believe that God has given you certain desires and will use them in you to complete his work! God cares about your dreams and has great plans for you! I promise!

LIE: If I wasn't Mennonite people would accept me more   
Matthew 10:32-39 "So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, 33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven. 34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
 I HATE standing out, being different, being considered weird or odd. This is more a sacrifice I need to be willing to make for my Jesus. He died for me, Isn't this the very least I could do?? I will honestly admit I struggle very much with being Mennonite. I get very insecure around not Mennonites. You know what though, If someone can't accept me because I dress modest and respect my Lord's commands by wearing a veil then I guess that is their issue they will have to take up with the Lord. I will consciously choose to show Christ by following his commands and obviously following Christ and I will do it proudly! Honestly Its an honor to represent our Lord!

LIE: I have to earn my salvation
LIE: I am not gonna make it to heaven
LIE: God doesn't love me because I always disappoint him.
John 3:16“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
 I'll admit that I still struggle with thinking that I have to perform to be loved by God and others. I struggle with truly accepting his free gift. I think I HAVE to be perfect or He could never love me or forgive me. I forget that being perfect ain't my job. But I don't have to be.. God's Grace is sufficient for me and his gift of salvation is a free gift. 

LIE: God has a hammer ready to hit me if i ever make a mistake or sin. 
Ephesians 4:7 "But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift."
Comprehending God's truly AMAZING grace is so difficult for me. God is a loving and gracious God. Someone once told me to picture him as a parent. Sure when their child is misbehaving they are disappointing but they still love that child unconditionally!
LIE: I won't like the man that God has picked out for me. 
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
I'll be honest I almost didn't include this one but I decided that a lie as stupid as this one needed debunked. I know this ties in with the lie that I am not worth anything. I have struggled with thinking that I will never get the kind of man I desire and I will have to "settle" for something less than that. Ok this can go in many ways. I am by no means saying that I want a PERFECT husband. I am just throwing it out there. God knows who you need and who you will mesh the best with and also what the desires of your heart are! Let him guide you and trust him. 

Those are the lies I put on my wall and allowed God's truth to debunk! I know that this isn't the end of those lies but I at least am armed with truth to destroy those lies that want to destroy me from the inside out. I hope that I may have helped out someone reading this as well. I encourage y'all to do the same and thanks for letting me sort through my thoughts this way! 

John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."